Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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