Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
