Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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