is your mom at the bar?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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