there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
