I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
