if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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