Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
