I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
