He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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