If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
