I think I won the penis lottery.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
