actually, I'm a sock model
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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