So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
