I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
