I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
