Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
