id be glad to
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
