i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
