and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
