You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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