she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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