Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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