It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
