I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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