3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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