Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
