That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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