careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am spending my child support on dildos
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
