to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
