I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
