I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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