I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
