u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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