Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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