my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
