After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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