Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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