ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
