I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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