I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
