god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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