piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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