just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
