He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
