i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
