Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
