youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
