All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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