What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
