@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
