i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
