It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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