So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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