she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
