you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
