Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
