The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
