I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
sarcasm needs its own font
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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