My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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