Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
