I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
