tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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